My Worst Call of the Day

From the dozens of idiotic calls I take each day as a customer service representative, I humbly submit the winner.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Who's on First?

Today’s worst call was from a woman whose hillbilly accent makes Granny Clampett sound like the Queen of England. Fortunately, I grew up speaking the redneck dialect, so I can usually converse with other people from "down in the holler." However, Ma Kettle's deep-backwoods brogue was a little thick, even for me. And that, along with her, um, peculiar way of putting things, led to a conversation worthy of an Abbott and Costello routine:

Me: You have reached [the name of my agency]. How can I help you?
Caller: Tha gay-uhs comp’nee ain’t showin’ a payment I done made lay-uhst week.
Me: What was the amount of the payment?
Caller: Twunnuh-fie dollah.
Me: And when did you make this 25.00 payment to the gas company?
Caller: Awn tha fee-uff an’ tha uh-lay-vunth.
Me: So you made two payments? One on the 5th, and one on the 11th of this month?
Caller: Nawo, jes’ wun payment.
Me: I’m sorry, which day did you say you made this on?
Caller: Awn tha fee-uff an’ tha uh-lay-vunth.
Me: (shaking my head in confusion) How could you make one payment on two different days?
Caller: It wuz jes’ wun day, tha fee-uff an' tha uh-lay-vunth.
Me: (growing irritated) Ma’am, those are two different days. Which date is on the receipt?
Caller: Tha fee-uff an’ tha uh-lay-vunth.
Me: (feeling my ears grow red) How can a receipt have two different dates on it??? (At this point an eavesdropping co-worker chimed in with, "It's magic!")
Caller: It's jes' got wun date awn it; the fee-uff and tha uh-lay-vunth.
Me: (literally quaking with frustration) Ma'am, how on EARTH can the 5th and the 11th be ONE day? (Again I hear, "It's magic!" from my co-worker next door)
Caller: It's tha fee-uff monf and tha uh-lay-vunth day.
Me: (comprehension slowly dawns). . . and by this you mean . . . May 11th? Am I understanding this correctly now?
Caller: Thass riyaht.
Me: Okay, I'm glad we got that straight. I'm going to put you on hold now. It might sound like I'm hanging up on you, but I'm not, so just hang on the line until I come back.
Caller: Way-ell, okay, if--
Me: *click*

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12 Comments:

  • At 5/17/2005 11:54 PM, Blogger Anastasia said…

    You're evil. You hung up on the poor granny!!!

    LOL..
    Even though I wouldn't blame you (now that sounds mean)..

     
  • At 5/18/2005 6:49 AM, Blogger Anonymous Me said…

    Okay, so I'm evil and you're mean. Hmmm . . .We should open a law firm together.

     
  • At 5/18/2005 2:56 PM, Anonymous Rob said…

    I so feel your pain. I read most of the post and had to laugh at your stress ball (i have one also) and the blowing air thru your nose (i do this also to keep from yelling at the stupid sh*t for brains on the other end). I only wish there was a magic twanger that would blow up the caller. ahh what a dream.

     
  • At 5/18/2005 3:37 PM, Blogger Dunyasha said…

    A fellow coworker of mine used to say she wished someone would figure out how to slap someone through the phone :)

    Also, at my old job we would have turned her up and put her on speaker phone so everyone could enjoy her.

     
  • At 5/18/2005 3:53 PM, Blogger Sinned Often said…

    Sweet Dang ol' JesuS!

    I think if I had that person I would just mute my mic and laugh my ass off....to the point of crying.

    I sometimes wish that I could have southern people that I talk to....stupid french people is all I get.

    Rage On,
    Sinned Often

     
  • At 5/19/2005 11:58 AM, Blogger this girl says said…

    Lol, oh man. We get a few people up here from the deep south occasionally, and it's HILARIOUS. I do have to put them on hold sometimes because I can't help myself from laughing.

    t.

     
  • At 5/19/2005 11:59 AM, Anonymous Spring said…

    Came here through Call Center Purgatory...Oh my God, this blog is hilarious...

     
  • At 5/19/2005 12:09 PM, Blogger Anastasia said…

    A law firm, now that's appropriate. To think that lawyers can actually be mean to people and not get in trouble.

    "Admit it, you killed your wife because you were motivated by greed!"
    "I did not."
    "Isn't it true that you neglected your wife and engaged in an affair with your first cousin?"

    lawyers can get away with saying anything (just about). People answering calls? Nada.

    You tell someone to not waste your time and a customer service manager busts a gut and gives you the basic rundown of the '5 Tenets of Customer Service'.

     
  • At 5/19/2005 7:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    And anyone still wonder why phone support has such a bad reputation?

     
  • At 5/19/2005 10:11 PM, Blogger Chicabel said…

    I can totally relate. I get the opposite problem, though. I work in the south. I have a New Mexican accent, which (in my case) is an exotic blend of excellent diction, valley girl, and the occasional spanish word thrown in when I'm irritated. Of course, many customers get frustrated as hell trying to understand me. So I guess it all evens out!

     
  • At 5/22/2005 2:59 PM, Blogger Who Knew? said…

    ahh hahhahah omg too funny. i snicker when customers ask where i am, and i say canada. they say, how come you dont have an accent? well i guess that's because i've listened to you people for 3 years and you've beaten it out of me, i dont know...lolol

     
  • At 5/26/2005 11:43 AM, Blogger Sparkling said…

    I must admit, I was starting to get annoyed with you not seeing the obvious here!

    But I guess you where under pressure of being live, whereas I could take my time spelling my way through it.

     

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