My Worst Call of the Day

From the dozens of idiotic calls I take each day as a customer service representative, I humbly submit the winner.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Up Jumped the Devil

Today's worst caller was the Prince of Darkness. I'm not kidding. Satan himself called me today, and while I wasn't surprised to find out that he's a slumlord, I did rather expect him to have better manners. But let me start at the beginning.

Halfway through my introductory spiel, Satan interrupted me and asked to speak directly to a manager. This is never an auspicious way to begin a conversation, but I played along. I asked the caller's name, to see if he was following up on an earlier call. I couldn't find anything in the computer, but to double-check, I asked him to spell his last name for me. Satan was in a snit, though, and he snarled back at me, "I asked to speak with a MANAGER! Is one available or not?"

So I transferred Satan to my supervisor, giving him my customary warning, "I've got a live one for ya, boss!" And with that, the Prince of Darkness was no longer my concern, and I could move on to the next inevitable douchebag.

About ten minutes later, Boss-man dragged himself into my very cluttered cubicle to give me the scoop (as I dearly hoped he would). In an exhausted but triumphant manner, he recounted his little chat with Satan. It turns out that the Prince of Darkness wanted to know if he, as a landlord, could have his tenants' utilities shut off immediately, and without notice. And why, you might ask, did he want to do this? Why, in order to force them out of their apartments, of course! Apparently the legal eviction process was just taking up too much of Satan's precious, precious time (stealing souls and driving up the price of gas aren't just hobbies, after all).

Well, Boss-man set the Devil straight, of course. Most of the landlord/tenant utility laws on the books are designed to prevent exactly this kind of situation, protecting tenants from unscrupulous landlords, Satanic or otherwise. Upon hearing the bad news, my boss informed me, the Prince of Darkness flew into a cloven-foot-stamping, batwing-flapping rage and promptly hung up.

You know, it's small victories like this, against the forces of evil or ignorance, that allow me to make it through the day without handing in my notice. That, and the fact that I have no other way of making a living, except possibly as a street whore. And believe me, that job's looking better every day.


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