My Worst Call of the Day

From the dozens of idiotic calls I take each day as a customer service representative, I humbly submit the winner.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Scrooge McBitch

Today’s worst caller contacted my agency after she found something shocking—yes, SHOCKING—on her gas bill. She had discovered that a portion of her bill went to fund heating assistance programs for people living at or near the poverty level. And let me tell you, she was none too happy about it. She called the gas company first, wanting to know exactly how much of her bill this amounted to. They, being a utility company, were completely useless, of course, so they kindly referred her to my office.

By the time I spoke with this caller, I could already hear the foam dripping from her mouth. She was under the impression that around fifty dollars of her gas bill went toward these programs. After I explained that it was less than two dollars of her $200.00 gas bill, I assumed she would be relieved. She wasn’t. She launched into a rant about how things are tough for everyone, and that she didn’t know why she needed to pay other people’s bills. I hastened to point out that, while I understood her feelings, the program was there for her, too, in case she and her family might ever need it.

She responded to this as if I had suggested that she take a sharp stick and shove it up her ass (or perhaps she was just reading my mind). She began shrieking that she wanted all the money back that she ever contributed to this program. I advised her that this was impossible, but she was welcome to contact her state senator (or someone equally useless) to see about changing the state’s utilities laws.

At which point she told me to go fuck myself. And with those magic words, I hung up on her, thus bringing our conversation to an abrupt but deeply satisfying ending.

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