My Worst Call of the Day

From the dozens of idiotic calls I take each day as a customer service representative, I humbly submit the winner.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

POTUS Invoked, or, Half A Mind Is Better Than None

Today’s winner is a caller who had a dispute with his telephone company over a past due balance. The disputed amount was fairly small, less than $30.00. Still, it sounded as though the caller had a legitimate complaint, so I started putting an investigation together on his behalf.

While I was doing this, the caller was still venting about the dispute. At one point, he informed me that he had “half a mind to contact [his] former employer about this dispute, and have HIM take care of it.” He clearly wanted me to ask who this former employer might be. I, foolishly, thought it might be germane to the investigation, and so, to my later regret, I took the bait.

“I am,” he informed me, “a former Yew-nited States Marine, and I have half a mind to inform President George Walker Bush (whose last name he pronounced as rhyming with ‘douche’) about this situation. Now I KNOW you know who HE is.” I confirmed that I had indeed heard a little something about this person. I suggested, however, that as POTUS has rather a lot on his plate right now, he may want to let my agency investigate the complaint first, before calling in his big gun.

This seemed to set his mind (or at least the half of it he was using) at ease. I'm just glad he wasn't a former minister, although frankly some of the telecom companies I deal with would deserve to have the wrath of God visited upon them. You know who you are.

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