My Worst Call of the Day

From the dozens of idiotic calls I take each day as a customer service representative, I humbly submit the winner.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Crazy, Psychic, or Both?

Today's worst call came from a man whom, at first, I had believed to be a paranoid schizophrenic. The caller stated that he had just spoken with a colleague of mine, and wanted to know what what he had written in the case notes. I asked the caller if the purpose of this was to confirm that my co-worker had taken down his information properly. "No," he replied, "I just KNOW he was writing nasty things about me in the notes, and I want to know what he said."

So after mentally placing this caller in the 'crazy as a shit-house rat' folder, I pulled up the notes for the call. To my amazement, my colleague had indeed written some very off-color comments about the caller. To give you some idea, these were so bad (but probably accurate) that I wouldn't have written them in this anonymous blog, let alone in a document that had my name all over it.

But even so, I wasn't about to narc on a fellow rep. Using the skills I've acquired as a CSR, I told the caller a complete and utter lie. I informed him that there was nothing at all objectionable in my colleague's notes, just the facts of his case. To which the caller, using the skills he's acquired as either a psychic or a crazy person, replied that he didn't believe me. And as a bonus, he also asked to be transferred to my manager.

"Well, crap," I thought, "now my co-worker and I are both screwed." So I put Mr. Crazy-Psychic-Whatever-He-Is on hold, and called my new partner in crime, advising him to clean up his case notes in the next thirty seconds. After getting the all-clear signal, I happily bumped the caller up the chain of command, and off of my phone.

Afterward, just for fun, I went back and read the notes on some of my colleague's other cases. I ended up regretting this, though--it became increasingly clear that my co-worker is a much funnier writer than I am, and I'm positively consumed by jealousy. I'd suggest that he channel his caustic talents into a blog, but hey, this is my little strip of sidewalk, and I ain't movin'.


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  • At 3/23/2005 10:49 AM, Blogger My Life Is God's Comic Strip said…

    Noooooooobody is funnier than you are. You're just being modest.

  • At 3/23/2005 11:48 AM, Anonymous Simon Gray said…

    So I just found this other great CSR blog you should check out -- it's written by a guy who tells all these stories about his crazy co-worker, who apparently has some sort of weird case of notes-envy, and is constantly trying to sneak into the guy's case files for God-only-knows what reason. It's hilarious.


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