My Worst Call of the Day

From the dozens of idiotic calls I take each day as a customer service representative, I humbly submit the winner.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

And Who the Hell Might YOU Be?

Today's worst call actually started out pretty well. I was speaking to a very pleasant and articulate young woman who had a billing dispute with her phone company. However, without warning, another voice came on the line and interrupted the woman. This new person was neither pleasant nor articulate, and in a very shrewish tone she proceeded to state her demands regarding the dispute.

"Excuse me," I replied, when she finally stopped yapping long enough to take a breath. "I was speaking to the other woman. If you would like my assistance, you need to identify yourself."

Taken aback for a moment, she quickly recovered herself and then snapped that she was the caller's mother-in-law. "She and my son live with me," she said curtly, "and I oversee all their financial dealings." Great, I thought; what a barrel of laughs that must be. And the whole time this overbearing sow was squealing at me, all I could think was how embarrassed her daughter-in-law must have been. It also crossed my mind that I'd rather take up residence in a cozy refrigerator box under a bridge somewhere, than live with this gorgon.

Anyway, to resolve the caller's dispute, I needed to open an investigation. And as the young woman was the sole account holder for the phone line, I could not discuss the case with anyone but her. So I gleefully instructed the ogre-in-law to clear the line (preferably before a house from Kansas fell from the sky and landed on her). I knew, of course, that as soon as this poor girl was off the phone, the harpy would make her life miserable again, but it sure as hell wasn't gonna happen on my watch.

And for you hopeful brides out there, this would be the moral of the story:

Never marry a man whose mother hasn't got the good sense to be dead already.


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